Perhaps you or your client has suffered with feelings of vulnerability and thoughts of blame. The first step with any challenge is to identify the problem that you want to change. The problem is always the way we feel. If we are happy, we don't have any problems. So the problem is not the situation, it is the way one feels about it. Our thoughts are based on our beliefs, which determine our actions, which are the largest determining factor in creating our life circumstances. You or your client could lie anywhere on the spectrum of believing in complete life responsibility. In my book "The Mastery Of Change", I demonstrate that the full realization of responsibility is the turning point in the journey toward mental health recovery or any major behavioral change. Its what I call the point of conscious evolution.
It can take a lot of reflection to identify exactly what emotions you are feeling in response to your thoughts and beliefs about your circumstances. Once you identify the emotion, you can then identify the main belief story that is triggering this emotional response. Help yourself or your client recognize when and how free will has been unconsciously abdicated in the process. For example: Joe feels sad and angry because his wife is ignoring him. The problem is the anger and sadness. The story is that Joe thinks he needs his wife's attention to be happy. Joe is giving up the free will to be happy no matter how his wife acts. Wouldn't it be nice if Joe could realized this right away and instantly feel happy?
In reality, Joe has to prove to himself that it is true that he can choose to be happy despite how his wife acts. Joe will have to try out this new belief to see if its true. Thought exercises are a start. You can ask Joe: "Is it possible for you to be happy doing other activities while your wife is not paying attention to you? Joe may try to abdicate responsibility again. Joe may say that his wife should pay attention to him more often because its her duty and because he is so good to her. That is another story to inquire about. Joe, do you have control over what your wife does? No? What do you have control over? You are bringing Joe back to responsibility, or what he has the ability to respond to.
Joe says he wants to leave his marriage, but can't. Help Joe inquire if it is true that he has no free will to leave the marriage. Joe may then give himself dead end options for his life. He may say he can either stay in an unloving marriage or act against God and society by getting a divorce. Help Joe inquire if it is true that those are his only two options. Help him explore the infinite choices he has... one at a time.
You can lead yourself or your client through this process to help them see that their choices always create their feelings and circumstances. These thought exercises are the start, but Joe will have to use new behaviors and determine if those new behaviors (based on the new beliefs he is experimenting with) are actually effective. Encourage Joe to make small behavioral changes at first, trying too much too soon can be overwhelming and make a client revert to old behavior to feel comfortable again.
There are so many strategies one could use with Joe. You can help Joe identify his feelings and release them by educating him on emotional release techniques that he can do on his own. This could give Joe relief from his anxiety attacks. You can help Joe identify all of the beliefs that cause him suffering and help him inquire into them. You can help Joe explore different behavioral strategies that he may have overlooked. Joe, what are some different ways you interact with your wife? Which behaviors get you what you want and which behaviors do not? By compassionately helping Joe explore his gift of free will, without judgement you are able to accomplish more than he could have alone. This synergy is what makes the therapeutic process so beautiful.
Summary:
Almost all of the main schools of psychotherapy focus on thoughts, behaviors, and choice. It may be difficult to find a body psychotherapist who treats clients based on the mind/body connection. Explore all of the emotional release techniques available such as dancing, singing, acting, massage, and EFT. Inquiry can be done by yourself, with a therapist, or with a friend. Check out http://www.thework.com for certified facilitators of Byron Katie's inquiry method.
Disclaimer, I am not a therapist. After recovering from depression, I write and teach about mental health recovery and behavioral change. There are chapters in my book "The Mastery Of Change" a bout emotional release and deconstructing beliefs.
Go to http://www.MasteryOfChange.com for ebooks, workbooks, audiobooks, coaching, and wellness programs.
It can take a lot of reflection to identify exactly what emotions you are feeling in response to your thoughts and beliefs about your circumstances. Once you identify the emotion, you can then identify the main belief story that is triggering this emotional response. Help yourself or your client recognize when and how free will has been unconsciously abdicated in the process. For example: Joe feels sad and angry because his wife is ignoring him. The problem is the anger and sadness. The story is that Joe thinks he needs his wife's attention to be happy. Joe is giving up the free will to be happy no matter how his wife acts. Wouldn't it be nice if Joe could realized this right away and instantly feel happy?
In reality, Joe has to prove to himself that it is true that he can choose to be happy despite how his wife acts. Joe will have to try out this new belief to see if its true. Thought exercises are a start. You can ask Joe: "Is it possible for you to be happy doing other activities while your wife is not paying attention to you? Joe may try to abdicate responsibility again. Joe may say that his wife should pay attention to him more often because its her duty and because he is so good to her. That is another story to inquire about. Joe, do you have control over what your wife does? No? What do you have control over? You are bringing Joe back to responsibility, or what he has the ability to respond to.
Joe says he wants to leave his marriage, but can't. Help Joe inquire if it is true that he has no free will to leave the marriage. Joe may then give himself dead end options for his life. He may say he can either stay in an unloving marriage or act against God and society by getting a divorce. Help Joe inquire if it is true that those are his only two options. Help him explore the infinite choices he has... one at a time.
You can lead yourself or your client through this process to help them see that their choices always create their feelings and circumstances. These thought exercises are the start, but Joe will have to use new behaviors and determine if those new behaviors (based on the new beliefs he is experimenting with) are actually effective. Encourage Joe to make small behavioral changes at first, trying too much too soon can be overwhelming and make a client revert to old behavior to feel comfortable again.
There are so many strategies one could use with Joe. You can help Joe identify his feelings and release them by educating him on emotional release techniques that he can do on his own. This could give Joe relief from his anxiety attacks. You can help Joe identify all of the beliefs that cause him suffering and help him inquire into them. You can help Joe explore different behavioral strategies that he may have overlooked. Joe, what are some different ways you interact with your wife? Which behaviors get you what you want and which behaviors do not? By compassionately helping Joe explore his gift of free will, without judgement you are able to accomplish more than he could have alone. This synergy is what makes the therapeutic process so beautiful.
Summary:
- Identify the problem emotion.
- Identify a particular problem emotion
- Identify the thought and story line that causes the emotional response.
- Question the story.
- Explore more empowering beliefs.
- Explore different behavioral options.
- Encourage small behavioral changes based on the new belief.
- Show the client you care about them, understand their feelings and story, and support them on their journey to wellness without judgement.
- Treating the whole person, not just their mind. Identify whether there are lifestyle and health issues that contribute to poor mental health.
- Follow up with client about how the new behaviors worked in practice.
Almost all of the main schools of psychotherapy focus on thoughts, behaviors, and choice. It may be difficult to find a body psychotherapist who treats clients based on the mind/body connection. Explore all of the emotional release techniques available such as dancing, singing, acting, massage, and EFT. Inquiry can be done by yourself, with a therapist, or with a friend. Check out http://www.thework.com for certified facilitators of Byron Katie's inquiry method.
Disclaimer, I am not a therapist. After recovering from depression, I write and teach about mental health recovery and behavioral change. There are chapters in my book "The Mastery Of Change" a bout emotional release and deconstructing beliefs.
Go to http://www.MasteryOfChange.com for ebooks, workbooks, audiobooks, coaching, and wellness programs.