What is your financial self-perception?

If an alien from another planet asked you what social class you belong to...how would you answer?

Let’s say you make twenty thousand dollars a year in the United States. You could say that you make well below the median income in your country. Or you could frame it completely differently and say you are in the top third of earners on your planet.

(According to Forbes Magazine, if you make seventy-five thousand a year or more in 2016, you’re in the top ten percent in the world.)

You see, both statements are true. Is your glass half empty or full?

How do you see yourself?  Did you know that a company’s stock rarely reflects the value of it’s current assets? That’s right, it usually reflects the projected FUTURE earnings of the company.

So what about you?  How do you evaluate your own financial value?  Is it according to what is in the bank account now or what you expect in the future?

When you change your perception of yourself, your physical reality reflects the change. So how do you change your perception when you have so many references to your current financial situation staring you in the face? Well, most of your financial beliefs are like an iceberg. You are only aware of some of the thoughts above the surface, but there are a lot more in our unconscious mind.

The key to changing your beliefs is to become aware of them.

You use money every day, so you have constant opportunities to tune into your beliefs about them.

Let’s say that you buy a coffee in the morning.  How does it feel in your body when you see the price of the specialty coffee that you really want?  What thoughts occur?  Make note of them because these are clues to underlying beliefs. How does it feel when you hand over money to someone?  Small purchases might reveal some things. How do you feel when you pay for big purchases? How do you feel when you write a big check? When you tune into the feelings and thoughts that occur, then you can work with them.

How do you work with feelings?

Perhaps you will feel a contraction in your body when you’re in a money situation.  It could be tightness, an anxious feeling, an angry feeling, or a fearful feeling. Feel where it is located in your body.  These feelings aren’t fun. The good thing is that now that you are identifying them, you can change them. Instead of stuffing these feelings down and suppressing them, allow yourself to become aware of them and feel them completely.  

You don’t need to refuel them and dwell on them with repetitive thinking. Consciously lean into these feelings and relax into them.  Breath through them. Although we’re still learning about how emotions work, it is generally understood that an emotional response only lasts around ninety seconds if it is not refueled by another stimulus such as a negative thought (Jill Bolte-Taylor Ph.D.).

This becomes a life practice and it will save you a lot of suffering because the other option is to suppress emotions. When you suppress emotions, they become stuck in your mind and body, only to cause physical and mental suffering in the future (Check out the work of Dr. Mario Martinez to learn more).

How do I change my thoughts?

When you have a negative thought about a financial situation., notice it.  Write it down.  Create a journal.  This brings more awareness to your belief systems around money.  Then it’s time to question the thoughts.  Every idea has its opposite.  If your current beliefs are not bringing you the feelings and results you want, it’s time to reprogram yourself to believe something different.

There are many ways to question your beliefs.  I suggest you give your brain some references as to why the opposite of your negative belief is true.  

For example, if you have the thought “I can’t afford what I want” ...you can find examples of things you CAN afford that you want.   Or if you have the thought “I don’t make enough money” ...find examples of how you DO make enough money for what you need.  If you have the thought “I am broke” ...think of examples of the resources you DO have.  If you have the thought “It’s too expensive”...think of examples of why it’s the PERFECT price for that item.

Every belief has its opposite and often it’s even more compelling than the belief that you have been holding onto so tightly. If you’re willing to start entertaining different beliefs and explore what they feel like, you may find that your narrow perceptions start to widen and your physical reality starts to reflect your new positive beliefs.

Now is the time to get excited that you can CREATE your reality by becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions and purposely creating the ones you want through the techniques that you have learned.  Now is the time to realize your own abundance and power.
Let me know what you are learning about your unconscious mind through journaling in the comments below.


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What is your mental and emotional life like lately? I spent a lot of my life with a dark view of the world. I suffered from repetitive negative thinking, physical illness, anxiety, and had troubles staying in touch with reality at times. My life now is very different. Every day I wake up and know that whatever I put out into the universe, its going to slingshot back to me like instant karma. Some days I'm not very conscious and I indulge in bad habits...but most of the time I am very intentional about the practice of my life. I make my mental, physical, and emotional health my number one priority and I invest in it. I've made it my life mission to help people do the same. We all struggle with different areas. Some of us don't have a problem getting exercise, while others struggle with technology addiction and a sedentary lifestyle. I would like to inspire you today to take some serious action steps for your mental health. I have found that creating one new powerful habit can have a ripple effect for the rest of your life. For example...by learning about and acting on knowledge about nutrition, I have drastically changed my body and health over the past 5 years. Hiring a personal trainer is a guarantee for a healthier body...as long as you show up...What could you do today to really change your mental health? And what would be the positive effects on your physical self...relationships...finances? Habits are everything...thats why I designed the darkness to daylight 30 day challenge. In it, I have a suggested reading list, movie list, and music playlist. All media has a powerful effect on your unconscious mind. If you did nothing else for the next 30 days besides listen to my suggested music playlist...you would still experience powerful results if you did it on a daily basis. Every little thing makes a difference. But if you want to know what I think is the most powerful habit for drastically changing your mental health...just send me an email and I'll send you a personal reply. Just tell me the number one thing you are struggling with right now. Talk to you soon and remember to start a new positive habit today that will bring health and happiness into your lives and those who are effected by you (everyone;).

As seen on FinderMinds.com

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all listened to our elders and never made any mistakes?Life would be safe and predictable, but we would always wonder if there were more. The curiosity would kill us. We would know a theory, but never the truth about what works in life.

As the story goes, since the rebellion in the garden of Eden, humans have needed to discover things first-hand. We don’t generally accept offhand advice or other people’s version of reality.

In fact, our brains don’t really register things until we have experienced them. Only then do they become important to us.Throughout our personal evolution, we have experimented with various behaviors and kept the ones that get us what we want. At the simplest level, we are motivated by pleasure and deterred by pain.

But sometimes we don’t catch on so fast.

Sometimes we are tricked by the short-term pleasure in addictions and dysfunctional relationships. Even more common is the survivalistic strategy of settling for an unfulfilling job in order to buy groceries and pay for rent.  These things get us something we need in the short term, but in the long run, we suffer.

Sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again. We keep hitting the bottle or dating the same kind of abusive person. Learning is not a once and done process; it involves repetition. It may be difficult to endure, but all of us make the same mistake more than once.

It doesn’t mean we are unworthy. It just means we still have more to learn.

According to evolutionary biology, it is not the species that is the strongest or most intelligent that survives, it is the one who is the most adaptable to change.

Even though it is natural for us to seek pleasure and equilibrium, sometimes comfort is the worst thing that can happen to us.

Rather than being alert and dynamic, we become lazy, complacent, and less adaptable.  A cozy comfort zone can make us less

responsive to the rapidly changing home, economic, and political environments that shape our lives.

Growing up in suburbia, I’ve witnessed a lot of people living quiet lives of comfortable desperation. You know the type: They achieved bachelor’s degrees and then settled into government jobs.  Their jobs never expected much from them. They made enough money to be comfortable, and purchased the most reliable car on the market. Then they drove that car for 10 years until they traded it in for the new version that is the exact same model and color.

These people may be considered successful compared to those who travel the world on a shoestring budget or get into messy relationships, but when something traumatic happens, such as a surprise divorce or health problem, they don’t know how to react. They implode.

Hitting bottom is scary and it can be dangerous. You could die when you hit bottom, but if you don’t, you will never forget your lesson. Some people learn their lessons from small mistakes, or perhaps from others’ mistakes as well.

But for those of us who have a high threshold for pain and a major resistance to change, hitting bottom is our only option for meaningful change.Everyone’s “bottom” looks different. For some, it’s a hospital visit, a prison sentence or an overdose, and for others, it could be a death in the family or a divorce. For me, it was a debilitating illness and a break up with my fiancee.

With my clients, I never recommend hitting bottom because it can be a dangerous thing. But I know that if they are unable to learn from others’ advice, life will present them with every lesson they need.

That’s right, life has the magical ability to present you with the exact family members, partners, friends, bosses, and circumstances for you to learn how to grow.And if you’re a hard case, it will slap you until you are awake enough to learn the needed lesson. At first you might think that life is cruel. But once the dust settles, you may actually thank life for doing this.

Your relationship with life, nature, or God can become complicated when trauma happens. You may constrict, lash out, or try to shirk the ability to respond when the injustice of abuse and violence strike your life. Even if you are unable to fathom a cosmic reason for the violence in your life, the fact is that trauma remains a real opportunity for you to grow, if you realize your vast power to react to life’s blows.

At first, biologists thought that evolutionary change happened gradually, but after looking at the fossil records of species, many have concluded that change occurs the most in rapid spurts caused by rare events.

Even though we are all searching for safety, sometimes it is through traumatic events that we grow the most. At this point you might be thinking “How can I experience rapid growth without danger?”

Indigenous people understood the power of trauma to induce needed change. The vision quest, sweat lodge, and psychedelic experiences under the supervision of elder shamans created a safer environment for trauma-induced growth to occur.

Today, you can still do those things…or visit a third world country, go skydiving, or anything that is outside of your comfort zone to achieve rapid growth. It will be difficult, outside of the norm, and downright terrifying, but it just may be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Trauma is a guarantee in life, so you might as well get good at it.It has the power to wake you up like no other. When you’re suffering, trauma will say “Hey! you’re attached to that and it’s causing you pain!” or “Hey! You’ve been trying this thing for 5 years and you’re going to die if you do it one more time!”

Make no mistake, trauma will wound you. But when the wound heals, it becomes your greatest gift.

It is a scar that reminds you of your lesson.

And what’s more, it becomes the lesson that you can now teach others with true confidence.

Trauma is not mere theory.Trauma, if you can learn from it, is pure transcendental knowledge.So, if you’re currently being tossed around by the choppy waters of life, know that this is not your ill-fortune… it is merely a high-performance opportunity to learn how to swim.

And once you get that down, it won’t be long until you are skillfully surfing the seas of change and looking forward to the challenge and thrill of a bigger wave.

This article can be viewed on Elephant Journal under a different title.

A recent incident involving the New Zealand Prime Minister being outed for repeatedly pulling the ponytail of an Auckland waitress has brought an important aspect of interpersonal dynamics to the forefront of the collective cultural consciousness.It begs the question of how one creates and maintains boundaries in one’s life and effectively communicates them to others. It also brings awareness to the great difficulty those in vulnerable roles in our society have in establishing healthy boundaries. Furthermore, the incident shows how people in positions of power and authority are often insensitive to boundaries or even take advantage of those who are in lower status positions.

As a writer about behavioral change, I’m always interested in empowering people to change their lives for the better—but I haven’t always had a lot of awareness of or skills for understanding personal boundaries. I am familiar with severe social anxiety and used to be afraid to confront anyone that violated my boundaries. I allowed myself to be in vulnerable job roles and verbally abusive relationships. It seemed like the less confident I was, the more others would take advantage of me.

It took a lot of reflection about my thoughts and behavior to realize that I was the one who ultimately created those victim-based situations. This was both humbling and liberating. It was humbling because I had to admit that I was creating my own suffering and that I needed to change. It was liberating because I now had the power to transform into a confident and healthy person.

How did I make that transformation?

Through radical responsibility.

The word responsibility has a connotation of obligation in our society. One thinks of the obligations involved in our societal roles, such as worker, student, and parent. However, I’d like you to suspend your current belief about this word and take it quite literally. It is your ability to respond.  You have free will to believe or ignore the many thoughts that race through your mind, which in turn reminds you that the thoughts you believe cause your feelings and behaviors.  Your feelings and behaviors are the largest contributing factors to your life’s circumstances. Your life is your creation. The cycle starts again because you have a choice in how you respond to your own creation.

Once you have this realization, you have reached the point of conscious evolution. From this point forward, you can direct your own evolution by consciously changing yourself from within to get the results you want. You can now start directing instead of acting. If you agree with this theory but you still feel like a victim in life, that means there is a part of you (conscious or unconscious) that does not completely believe in free will.

A person with conscious free will knows what kinds of thoughts, feelings, and circumstances they prefer and they take decisive action to attain them.  They only believe the thoughts that empower them. Conscious creators have boundaries in their lives. They know what they are willing to put up with and what they are not.

A person who feels like a victim of circumstance will put up with abuse and situations of vulnerability because they don’t believe their actions can really change the situation.

Non-conscious creators are in relationships that predictably violate their true boundaries. They are not fully aware of their own boundaries, and they don’t communicate their boundaries to others. Non-conscious creators are more afraid of loss than they are excited by gain. They are more comfortable with the abusive life they know than the non-abusive one that is yet unknown. So, they unconsciously create victim dynamics in every aspect of their lives, imprisoning them into a cell of their own making.  How can one break free from this prison of fear?

I believe one must first become aware of the causality between thought, emotion, behavior and life circumstance. Then one must become aware of his or her boundaries, and learn to effectively communicate them to themselves and others.

The Prime Minister of New Zealand (supposedly playfully) pulled the hair of a waitress many times over several occasions. The waitress understandably found it difficult to effectively communicate that she did not like him doing that. She was confused and intimidated by her offender and hoped that her body language would communicate her boundaries. However, he kept repeating the boundary violation. Then she told his staff and his Facebook page—it seems she told everyone but her offender that she had a strict boundary.

I’m not condoning the Prime Minister’s behavior in the least. Blaming the victim is not the goal here. The goal is to bring awareness to what actually works in getting your life and the people around you to respond to your boundaries.

However, this is a very sensitive topic.  Some would say that the Prime Minister’s actions were bordering on illegal harassment. According to her account, the waitress never clearly stated her boundary, but she did eventually use the word “no”. After that point, the Prime Minister continued briefly, then seemed to get the point. He stopped, apologized, and he expressed in his own words that he never knew he had crossed her boundary.

While not condoning the Prime Minister’s unwelcomed touching, we must still realize that other people cannot read our minds, read our body language accurately, or even understand our tone or verbal meaning at times unless it is explicitly expressed.

In our society there may be a power differential between a woman and a man, a man and a man, a woman and a woman, the young and the old, the congregant and the religious leader, the employee and the boss or the student and the teacher. The power differential between any two parties can make it  difficult and uncomfortable to confront unwelcome behavior. Unwelcome behavior is not condoned, but it does happen all the time. Thus, it’s important to be aware of your boundaries, learn how to communicate them effectively, and know your legal rights in your jurisdiction. In the end, we do not have control over our offenders. We only have control over our own behaviors.

Another recent political power differential comes to mind: In late 2014, a caddy to a formerly powerful politician in Korea allowed him to physically grope her for all 9 holes of a golf game before reporting it. That’s how hard it was for her to stand up for her boundaries. To a person in a vulnerable role of society, everyone that violates their boundaries seems to be able to assert real control over them. Nevertheless, a lack of appropriate action on the victim’s part will lead to further violations by many in their lives.

You must be willing to feel the fear, yet take decisive action to gain your proper boundary.

Appropriate actions can look many different ways. A general rule is to firmly and seriously tell the person exactly what your boundary is, and what you will do if they repeat it.

For example: “John, I will not allow you to pull my hair or touch me in any way.  If you do it again, I will report it”. If the conduct is illegal, you do not have to put up with it multiple times or try to convince the perpetrator to stop. You can, however, report it and seek resources for safety. This is not easy, but the alternative is even worse.

Boundary discussions and decisions can be difficult. Sometimes you sacrifice things that you value, such as a job, money, and prestige (in the short term).  In the long term, you have a lot to gain.  You will be happier and more productive, and your life will reflect your self-respect and confidence.  In the end, you are sacrificing a frequency of a low nature for a higher one.

Boundaries penetrate every aspect of our existence, not just relationships. You have standards about what kind of living environment you are willing to be in, what kind of food you are willing to put into your body, what kind of media you are willing to consume, and what kind of people you will associate with. Every action in your life is a measure of how much you respect and love yourself.  Every action corresponds to your boundaries.

May we choose the most self-loving standards for ourselves.

I know that in my life, the stronger I make my boundaries, the higher I climb in a spiral ever-upward toward health, happiness, empowerment and self-actualization.  Your free will is the greatest gift, so honor and cherish it in yourself and others.

Perhaps you or your client has suffered with feelings of vulnerability and thoughts of blame.  The first step with any challenge is to identify the problem that you want to change.  The problem is always the way we feel.  If we are happy, we don't have any problems.  So the problem is not the situation, it is the way one feels about it. Our thoughts are based on our beliefs, which determine our actions, which are the largest determining factor in creating our life circumstances.  You or your client could lie anywhere on the spectrum of believing in complete life responsibility.  In my book "The Mastery Of Change", I demonstrate that the full realization of responsibility is the turning point in the journey toward mental health recovery or any major behavioral change. Its what I call the point of conscious evolution.

It can take a lot of reflection to identify exactly what emotions you are feeling in response to your thoughts and beliefs about your circumstances.  Once you identify the emotion, you can then identify the main belief story that is triggering this emotional response.  Help yourself or your client recognize when and how free will has been unconsciously abdicated in the process.  For example: Joe feels sad and angry because his wife is ignoring him.  The problem is the anger and sadness.  The story is that Joe thinks he needs his wife's attention to be happy.  Joe is giving up the free will to be happy no matter how his wife acts.  Wouldn't it be nice if Joe could realized this right away and instantly feel happy?

  In reality, Joe has to prove to himself that it is true that he can choose to be happy despite how his wife acts.  Joe will have to try out this new belief to see if its true.  Thought exercises are a start.  You can ask Joe: "Is it possible for you to be happy doing other activities while your wife is not paying attention to you?  Joe may try to abdicate responsibility again.  Joe may say that his wife should pay attention to him more often because its her duty and because he is so good to her.  That is another story to inquire about.  Joe, do you have control over what your wife does?  No?  What do you have control over?  You are bringing Joe back to responsibility, or what he has the ability to respond to.   

Joe says he wants to leave his marriage, but can't.  Help Joe inquire if it is true that he has no free will to leave the marriage.  Joe may then give himself dead end options for his life.  He may say he can either stay in an unloving marriage or act against God and society by getting a divorce.  Help Joe inquire if it is true that those are his only two options.  Help him explore the infinite choices he has... one at a time.  


You can lead yourself or your client through this process to help them see that their choices always create their feelings and circumstances.  These thought exercises are the start, but Joe will have to use new behaviors and determine if those new behaviors (based on the new beliefs he is experimenting with) are actually effective.  Encourage Joe to make small behavioral changes at first, trying too much too soon can be overwhelming and make a client revert to old behavior to feel comfortable again.  

There are so many strategies one could use with Joe.   You can help Joe identify his feelings and release them by educating him on emotional release techniques that he can do on his own.  This could give Joe relief from his anxiety attacks.  You can help Joe identify all of the beliefs that cause him suffering and help him inquire into them.  You can help Joe explore different behavioral strategies that he may have overlooked.  Joe, what are some different ways you interact with your wife?  Which behaviors get you what you want and which behaviors do not?  By compassionately helping Joe explore his gift of free will, without judgement you are able to accomplish more than he could have alone. This synergy is what makes the therapeutic process so beautiful.  

Summary:

• Identify the problem emotion.

• Educate the client about emotions.  What they are, what causes them, how to identify them, release them, and what happens if they are suppressed.

 

• Identify a particular problem emotion

• Identify the thought and story line that causes the emotional response.

• Question the story.

• Explore more empowering beliefs.

• Explore different behavioral options.

• Encourage small behavioral changes based on the new belief.

• Show the client you care about them, understand their feelings and story, and support them on their journey to wellness without judgement.
  

• Treating the whole person, not just their mind.  Identify whether there are lifestyle and health issues that contribute to poor mental health.

• Follow up with client about how the new behaviors worked in practice.

Almost all of the main schools of psychotherapy focus on thoughts, behaviors, and choice.  It may be difficult to find a body psychotherapist who treats clients based on the mind/body connection.  Explore all of the emotional release techniques available such as dancing, singing, acting, massage, and EFT.  Inquiry can be done by yourself, with a therapist, or with a friend.  Check out http://www.thework.com for certified facilitators of Byron Katie's inquiry method.

Disclaimer, I am not a therapist. After recovering from depression, I write and teach about mental health recovery and behavioral change.  There are chapters in my book "The Mastery Of Change" about emotional release and deconstructing beliefs.


Go to http://www.MasteryOfChange.com for ebooks, workbooks, audiobooks, coaching, and wellness programs.